I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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