I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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