Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
