im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
