he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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