When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Terrible idea I love it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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