shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
