Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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