Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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