She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
