bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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