Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
