i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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