Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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