hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
