Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Welp...herpes.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
