You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
