Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just pynch a tree in the face
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
