Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
