I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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