I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
