what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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