Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
