i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
