dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
