Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is my gift to your gina
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
