sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
