his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
