They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
