good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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