Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
