its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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