I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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