please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
