Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
