first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
cat food counts as protein by the way
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
