We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
