her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
