Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
