last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize