I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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