i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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