like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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