Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
