So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
wow bdsm is so cute
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
