a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
