you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
