I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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