This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
