apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The air taste purple.
Randomize
