ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
