So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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