She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize