I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You ate ashes out of my bong
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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