hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
