I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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