This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
