I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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