My hand turned me down
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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