When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He has the fingertips of a God
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
