then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
