Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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