...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so let's talk penis.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
