PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
