sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
