I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
