He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
