just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
