woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
