Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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